Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Dear Dear Margi,

Apparently you do not read the snow reports close enough, and you have no respect for the rules set forth upon being registered to the SC list. First off, you have broken the cardinal rule, of accusing the Snow Curmudgeon of being wrong. I said I was no Matt Zaphino, therefore I am not Matt Zaphino. I have also mentoned in prior reports that Matt Zaphino can't forecast the weather, as anyone who actually reads the NOAA forcasts and his forcasts knows. He doesn't know squat. If he did read the NOAA forcasts with anything resembling the zeal of the SC he would be a better forcaster. Fianally, as you should know if you truly are a tele skier, that having the opinion that snowboarders are knuckledraggin punks is actually a common opinion accepted by just about everyone who doesn't snow board, and even some of those that do. So really the question is, is Margi just a poser? Do you really appreciate the Snow Curmudgeon like you claim or are you a bandwagon hopper, looking to cast doubt at the first sign of a disagreeable snow pack? Do you really even ski, as your insights into the world of glisse are, frankly, passe'. Yes my fellow readers of the Snow Curmudgeon, I think the only one doing any duping around here is named Margi. And besides, how dare you suggest that I am a short balding guy with a big nose?!?!?!?!

It has taken insults to rouse the Snow Curmudgeon from his depths of depression. It was revealed yesterday that a study has shown January 24th to be the most depressing day of the year. Coming in to work in the morning I doubted their results. (to show I am not makign things up Margi here is the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6847012/) However looking at the photos I saw online shortly there after had me understanding it all so much better. I have attached them, but be warned friends, these are not for the meek or timid, or season pass holder for that matter. Oh and to make it worse, when I got home I found in my mailbox what is ussually this time of year a joy, but yesterday a depressing kick in the balls. It was the most recent copy of Off-Piste mag, my favorite, ussually, except when it it loaded with beautiful picks of fresh snow and sick lines. Sigggghhhh.

As for the forcast, whatever. I quit, give up, I am done. I don't care anymore. Yeah maybe it will snow this week, big deal. It'll all just melt again, just like it always does. You want to know? look it up yourself,
www.weather.gov

Crawling back under a rock,

The snow curmudgeon

P.S. The Snow Curmudgeon list is the sole property of the Snow Curmudgeon, replying all to a Snow Curmudgeon list can be grounds for dismissal from the service, thank you, have a nice day.


Comment from Margi:
Dear fellow snow-lovers:

Could it be that Matt Zaphino IS the Snow Curmudgeon?
Something fishy is going on.

I met Matt Zaphino last night at a fundraiser. (No,
I’m not kidding.). Come to find out, Zaphino is an
avid telemarker. (Seriously.) Zaphino was quick to
tout tele-skiing as the highest form of all snow
sports, followed by remarks about snowboarders being
“knuckle-draggers” and “punks." As he stood in front
of me, disparaging snowboarders and damning the
snow-gods, I couldn’t help but think that he must be
the real Snow Curmudgeon.

I know, I know, Tree said that the Snow Curmudgeon
could NEVER be compared to Matt Zaphino...but hear me
out. I think there is a good argument that Zaphino
and the S.C. are one in the same. See, during the day
Zaphino plays the part of a weather man. He delivers
all of his “cheery” news to the TV watchers that we’ll
have more sun and more warm weather this winter.
(Yea! Life is great!). During the night, he becomes
the Snow Curmudgeon. He lets all of his pent-up
weather-man aggression out and delivers the REAL
weather news to his dedicated followers. (Where is
the #$## snow!). Can't you see it? Both Zaphino and
the S.C. have an innate sense of weather conditions,
an addiction to NOAA reports and a steadfast belief
that snowboarders are the scum of the earth. As Snow
Curmudgeon Disciples, I believe we’ve all been duped.

So who wants to go water skiing in Meadows parking lot
this weekend? - Margi

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Just when we thought a 30" base was the worst thing ever, it rains 5". The snow phone this morning said they are suspending operations until the snowpack "dries out", that it is over-saturated with water. WTF!!!! I have never heard such a lame excuse before in my life. Hello meadows, it's not saturated, it's melting!!! That's what 45 degree weather does to snow. WHo are these clowns. Are they from Texas? Yeah I'm oversturated too, from beer and tears. I've had it. Good bye my firends, I am taking Meadows lead and suspending all operations until conditions improve. Looks like I may have to go back to playing ultimate on the weekends.

Until the snow level drops below Hell,

SC

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Greetings all,

I have to admit, I was feeling bad about what I said about going to Bend yesterday. Our friends from Texas are heading there for a nice three day weekend, and wouldn't it be nice if they could have some snow. So I got to thinking, everyone is telling me I blow a lot of hot air, so what if.... Well I have been huffin and puffin all day long, trying to alter these dang air currents. I also made some well placed calls, cashed in a few favors that ol JC himself owes me from back in the day, and while I can't promise anything yet, it is starting to look like there just may be some snow this weekend. Might, I say, it is iffy and I can't put my SC rep. on the line. Let's just say that JC don't carry the kind of pull he used to, with the recent bankruptcies and the IPO, it's tough, but he's doing what he can. The down side is I made it all windy on Hood and this snow that's falling is all over the place, and it was a cold day for anyone up there today, gusts over 50mph brrrr. But we got something around 7" in the past day, not bad. But zero on the windward side of slopes (read vista express) yet maybe more on the lee slopes (read Shooting star)

I'll keep you posted on the developing changes as they come.

Keeping the Faith

SC

Monday, January 10, 2005

Happy Monday skiers and Boarders! i though the best way to review my weekend was to share with you all my thank you letter to the fine folks at Meadows:

Dear Meadows Incorporated:


I wanted to take a moment to thank you for letting me utilize your wonderful facilities this weekend. I was a guest at your resort on both Saturday January 8, and Sunday January 9, 2005. It was a joy to be invited to park in your Hood River Meadows overflow parking lot at 8:30 in the morning. It was too bad the lift was not running to take people the 700’ to the main area, yet I appreciate the complimentary shuttle buses provided by your resort. And to think we only had to wait in line for three buses to fill up to get taken up to the lodge so we could wait in traffic while other cars were allowed to park walking distance to the lodge. I also want to congratulate you on getting the annex lot plowed by 10am that morning, what a feat! Getting three inches of fresh snow plowed before noon at a ski resort, an accomplishment only rivaled by the chores of Hercules, you must be proud. I also wanted to take a moment to congratulate you on the placement of your new high-speed quad, Vista Express. It unloads skiers and boarders at an extremely well placed area, every time I was able to ride that lift there was the nicest breeze of 20-25 mph with only the occasional gust every second or so of 45mph, what a delight to not just be able to ski the finest 15 degree slopes on the mountain with a couple thousand boarders, but to enjoy fresh mountain air and to see clouds from the inside! A truly magical experience.

However my most memorable experience of the weekend was being able to witness ski racing at Shooting star. I commend you on your willingness to dedicate half the skiable terrain on shooting star to such young and polite skiers. Allowing them to develop their ability to bomb down a mountain at breakneck speeds with no concern for other’s safety is truly a community service, yet you went even further by turning your head and allowing them to cut in lift lines so that they could best utilize the day. Bravo! A deed to make any Little Lebowski Urban Achiever proud.

I look forward to visiting your resort and skiing your ample snow again.

Yours truly,


Snow Curmudgeon.


And of Course the forcast: (in a word, crap, move to Tahoe! 19', yes feet, in two weeks)

.TODAY...PARTLY SUNNY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 3000 FEET. PASS
WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 TO 15 MPH.
.TONIGHT...PARTLY CLOUDY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 2500 FEET IN THE
NORTH... FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 4000 FEET IN THE SOUTH. PASS WINDS
EAST 10 MPH.
.TUESDAY...PARTLY SUNNY. WINDY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 4000 FEET.
PASS WINDS NORTHWEST 10 TO 15 MPH BECOMING WEST 15 TO 25 MPH IN THE
AFTERNOON.
.TUESDAY NIGHT...SNOW LIKELY EARLY...THEN SNOW AFTER MIDNIGHT.
WINDY. SNOW LEVEL 2500 FEET. PASS WINDS WEST 20 TO 30 MPH GUSTS TO 55
MPH OVER THE RIDGES.
.WEDNESDAY...SNOW IN THE MORNING...THEN OCCASIONAL SNOW IN THE
AFTERNOON. WINDY. SNOW LEVEL 2000 FEET. PASS WINDS NORTHWEST 20 TO 30
MPH GUSTS TO 55 MPH OVER THE RIDGES.
.WEDNESDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS. SNOW
LEVEL 2000 FEET IN THE EVENING.
.THURSDAY...PARTLY SUNNY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 2500 FEET.
.THURSDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLEAR. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 3000 FEET.
.FRIDAY...MOSTLY SUNNY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 3000 FEET.
.FRIDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLEAR. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 3500 FEET.
.SATURDAY...MOSTLY SUNNY. WARMER. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 5500 FEET.
.SATURDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLEAR. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 6500 FEET.
.SUNDAY...MOSTLY SUNNY. FREE AIR FREEZING LEVEL 6500 FEET.

&&
TEMPERATURE / PRECIPITATION
GOVERNMENT CAMP 30 19 29 25 30 / 10 10 10 90 90
WILLAMETTE PASS 27 18 27 23 29 / 10 10 10 60 80

Friday, January 07, 2005

It is a good morning my faithful friends!!!! And hopefully (keep your fingers crossed) it will be a better one tomorrow.

Most of you know Bart from the snow report, aka Bingen Bart (because he lives in Bingen not because he drinks, although he may, I don't know him personally)so I thought I would quote him this morning:

"Two of my favorite words are snow and advisory, especially when used together"

Amen Bart

AT 5400' there is a base of 30.07" and they got 1.5-2" last night. Nothing special but check below:

...SNOW ADVISORY CONTINUES NORTH THROUGH 8 AM SATURDAY...
...SNOW ADVISORY SOUTH TODAY THROUGH 8 AM SATURDAY...

.TODAY...SNOW LIKELY EARLY...THEN SNOW AT TIMES. SNOW LEVEL 1500
FEET. SNOW ACCUMULATION OF 2 TO 5 INCHES. PASS WINDS SOUTH 10 TO 15
MPH.
.TONIGHT...SNOW EARLY...THEN SNOW SHOWERS AFTER MIDNIGHT. BREEZY.
SNOW ACCUMULATION OF 4 TO 7 INCHES. PASS WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 TO 20
MPH.
.SATURDAY...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY. SNOW ACCUMULATION 2 TO 5 INCHES.
PASS WINDS SOUTHEAST TO 10 MPH.
.SATURDAY NIGHT...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY. SNOW LEVEL 1500 FEET. PASS
WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 TO 15 MPH.
.SUNDAY...CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS. SNOW LEVEL 1500
FEET. PASS WINDS SOUTH 10 MPH.
.SUNDAY NIGHT...CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.MONDAY...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY.
.MONDAY NIGHT...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY.
.TUESDAY...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY. WINDY.
.TUESDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS. WINDY.
.WEDNESDAY...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.WEDNESDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.THURSDAY...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.

Ye-haw!

It was nice to see some of the SnowCurmudgeonites out at the Horse Brass, but where was Bro-man? He was hysterical yesterday morning! I miss him!

Yeah, so my past few reports have lost some zing, sorry, I haven't skied in five days, I have no more new material. I thought about some driving comments, like SUV's flipped in a ditch, but that's not funny, it's sad really. Or I can keep mocking SNowboarders, but like jokes about Paige's age, it'll get pretty damn old. Get it? Paige? Old? Ohhhhhh man I got nothing. I'm that guy with the annoying voice who is now doing the Aflac commercials, only I don't even have that to look forward to. I hope I don't become the next Pee Wee Herman. Such scary times these days are, the SNow Curmudgeon is scared and lonely. Hey anyone want to go see a movie at the Theatre on Division by the Egyptian Room?

See you on the mountain this weekend, I'll be the one heckling you from the lift!

Snow Curmudgeon

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Afternoon skiers and snow boarders, thanks for reading the Snow Report, brought to you by the Snow Curmudgeon of Portland, dashing all your hopes and dreams of good snow.

A special Happy Birthday goes out to our faithful reader Daniel Sigman, he celebrates the completion of his 30th year today, and embarks on his 31st! So in Daniel's honor I will not poke any fun at him at all in todays report. Actually getting up at 7am for breakfast used all my humor, and now I really am curmudgeony. Grrrrrrr.

I wanted to share with you all that I bought some new ski tuning tools yesterday to sharpen my edges, and fill in my gouges. I may be starting a ski and board tuning service to raise funds for a snow curmudgeon website. Stay tuned (get it, tuned...)for the details. But it won't be my fault if I take the edge off your board and you can't go boarding ;)

Clear skies are gonna cloud up, put on a happy face!
I have to admit, I have never been happier to see gray clouds, and feel cold rain drops on my face, even if just a few, lets hope it is a harbringer of good news. This a little snippet wich doesn't make it look fantastic:

A SHORT WAVE DROPS SOUTH FROM THE ALASKA PANHANDLE FORMING A CLOSED LOW OFF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST COAST BY FRIDAY MORNING. ASSOCIATED ONSHORE
FLOW STREAMS PACIFIC MOISTURE INTO CALIFORNIA PRODUCING MODERATE TO HEAVY RAIN ALONG THE COASTAL RANGE AND MODERATE TO HEAVY SNOW OVER THE SIERRAS STARTING BY TOMORROW MORNING THROUGH TO THE END OF THE PERIOD. WHILE THE MOISTURE MOVES FARTHER INLAND ... UPPER LEVEL DYNAMICS AIDS IN PRODUCING LIGHT SNOW FROM THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST COAST SOUTHEASTWARD TO THE CENTRAL GREAT BASIN AND CENTRAL ROCKIES.

But checking in with NOAA gives us this outlok for the next couple days and onward. Not bad it will help to build that base we have been hoping for. Saturday may be good, IF it snows, but we've been burned all winter long, so we shall see. Currently it is 24 degrees at meadows, reporting a trace of percipitation falling (.04") in the past hour.

...SNOW ADVISORY IN EFFECT UNTIL 8 AM FRIDAY FOR THE NORTH OREGON
CASCADES...

.TODAY...CHANCE OF SNOW THIS MORNING. SNOW LIKELY IN THE AFTERNOON.
SNOW LEVEL 1000 FEET NORTH TO 1500 FEET SOUTH BY AFTERNOON. PASS
WINDS SOUTHWEST 10 TO 15 MPH.
.TONIGHT...SNOW AT TIMES. SNOW LEVEL 1000 FEET NORTH TO 1500 FEET
SOUTH. SNOW ACCUMULATION 1 TO 3 INCHES AT HIGHER ELEVATIONS. PASS
WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 TO 15 MPH.
.FRIDAY...SNOW AT TIMES. ADDITIONAL SNOW ACCUMULATION 2 TO 3 INCHES
ABOVE 1000 FEET. PASS WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 TO 15 MPH.
.FRIDAY NIGHT...SNOW LIKELY. PASS WINDS SOUTHEAST 15 TO 20 MPH.
.SATURDAY...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY. PASS WINDS SOUTHEAST 10 MPH.
.SATURDAY NIGHT...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY.
.SUNDAY...CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.SUNDAY NIGHT...CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.MONDAY...SNOW LIKELY.
.MONDAY NIGHT...SNOW SHOWERS LIKELY.
.TUESDAY...CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.TUESDAY NIGHT...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.
.WEDNESDAY...MOSTLY CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF SNOW SHOWERS.

Well that is all I got. I will keep you posted to any changes.

Snow Curmudgeon

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Good Morning faithful disciples,

Wow, the Snow Curmudgeon has never felt so loved! Thank you kindly Kim for the recommendation and acknowledgment of my vast Snow Knowledge, or sknowledge as you Southerners would say in your quaint speak. And last night I got the nicest message from Daniel (at least I think it was Daniel, if he was trying to immitate my scotish-mexican accent) saying he was looking forward to my forcast. And of course Darling Tree was asking me lastnight for inside info.

Don't worry friends, I didn't give any of them any special treatment, or insight. I understand the power of knowledge and how some use it to corrupt. Snow is pure goodness and I would never allow that goodness to be used for evil doings. I can only prevent that by giving you all the same knowledge, keep the field level you know.

First let me start by letting you all know that Matt Zephino is an Evil little man (they make him look big on TV by putting a map behind him, he's really small, like Daniel, about 5' 6"). And his evilness has blinded him from seing the real forcast, please be careful with what he says, because he is a TV PERSONALITY, not a Climatologist. (ok I am not a climatologist either, and really just a personality, and a made up one at that, but stop splitting hairs). Ok where was I, I just get so carried away (with the use of Parenthesis that is).

Oh yes the forecast, well I haven't sent one out because, well, it is sunny and cold, didn't think it really warrented much, just look out the window man! I know, I know, you all want to know my opinion on the possibilty of snow on the valley floor. I say don't count on it. Come on, hell can't freeze over every time Daniel get's a year older, can it? Look at it this way, most people get their weather from the Media, the media are all just a bunch of whores selling advertisement space, so they need news that sells, and Snow on the valley floor sells more than 38 degress and raining.

The real important issue here is when will precip hit the mountains and how much will come, it is all about skiing afterall. And these answers I do not have yet, the storm is heading in to Vancouver Island, and then heading South along the coast, where along the coast it tracks will answer all above questions. If it tracks inland, it will bring more warm moisture with it, meaning more precip and warmer temps- good for skiing bad for snow in town. If it hangs off the coast this cold trough from Alaska will hang around making it colder but drier, bad for skiing, good for snow in town.

You all know what I am rooting for! Back to work for SC, 12 hours until Mountaineer kicks some butt in a sleeveless shirt.

Lets all go ski this weekend!!!

Snow Curmudgeon

Monday, January 03, 2005

Happy New Year Faithful Snow Worshipers!!!!

Well, as is their custom as of late, the good old folks at NOAA managed to overestimate their storm total estimates. In summation, the base is still pretty thin, but coverage is getting there. The next three days look like clear cold weather, this will result in some settling of the snow pack, and with forcasted winds, it will transport recent deposits into tree lines and gullies (hint on where to find the stashes). Right now the forcast looks like potential for some fresh come this weekend, yeah right, and I have a hot date this weekend too!

Thanks to Kim and Brian, fathful Snow Curmudgeopn readers, for opening their house for a little new years festivities, and especially for allowing old Snow Curmudgeon some PPT (puppy play time!!)

I am sure the question on everyone's mind is what the Snow Curmudgeon's new years resolution is? Well I will tell you, sort of. I actually had a new ski season's resolution. Equality! Yes I came into this season with the resolution to treat all fellow snow sliders equally, and to open my heart and arms to all, freelheelers, fixed heelers, and yes even the Snow Boarders. I kid you not. I had resolved myself to it. Well I spent the last four days riding the lifts, and let me tell you, it is damn hard!!! I have to come to the conclusion that not all Snowboarders are dumb people, but all dumb people are snowboarders! And there are a lot of dumb people out there. "Now hold on there Snow Curmudgeon" you may be thinking, "that's a little harsh statement, what basis do you have" And that is a good point, and one I have been pondering, is it just a cultural gap, am I a little too much of an old "hippy" on skis and just don't relate to the new generation? Maybe, but allow me to present my case. Exhibit A: Newest phrase heard on the mountain: "Gnar Gnar" like: "there's some Gnar Gnar under that powder" and yes it was only heard coming from a Snow Boarder. Exhibit B: Try getting off a lift with out getting cut off by a snow boarder, having twenty snowboarders sitting on their buts in the MIDDLE of the run strapping in, or getting up right infront of you and riding over your tips. It's impossible I tried all weekend. Exhibit C: WHat percentage of people that cut me off or came within 12" of colliding into me were snowboarders: a. 50% b. 75% c.100% (correct answer is c) Exhibit D: When sitting in the parking lot, loud music is always coming from a car of _____ (answer: snowboarders) I have more evidence but I think I will rest my case there. I will say though that not all boarders are bad, heck of the 5 people on this list 3.5 snowboard, and you are all my friends, just don't cut me off, stop riding over my tips, and for crying out lound Daniel turn down that James Taylor!!

See you all on the hill...

Snow Curmudgeon